May 30th, 2012
Prioleau came home from NY. Summer. He told me to meet him at the central shopping center. “Y’know, the one with the Trader Joe’s”. Oh yeah, that one. Talking about how.. so much of growing up in this town (going to school) was like.. “no consequence”. Feeling, in some way, that everything would work out OK. Good times first. No real consequences.
A kid jumped out of a car and said, “do you have any TIN FOIL?!!” We’re like.. no. “TRYING TO SMOKE SOME OXYCOTIN” Jumps back in the car. In him I saw our youth.. “see, that’s exactly what I’m talking about! — NO FEAR”. We laughed.
Stopped at the bar to use the restroom. It was karaoke night. I think I recognized the mom of one of my brother’s childhood friends. She looked overweight and sad. Drunk. Kind of humming along to “strumming my pain with his fingers”.
May 26th, 2012
A friend called asking about love. “I wanna know what love is”. I said something about the movie version of Malcolm X and Betty Shabazz. How it’s real.. but not real for everyone. Tonight, for me, love was Satyajit Ray and a Bengali Music Room.
May 25th, 2012
The part in the HBO series ‘Girls’ where the main character goes outside to talk on her phone. Why did that feel real? ..it was so minor. This month has been full of life. Not art. At the worst, making comics has felt like a chore. At the best.. a mistranslation. Something needs to change.
May 24th, 2012
Woody Allen is 20 years old. “Old dogs need love too”. Her sister Beans is crazy energetic like their mama. Met the Mosswood regulars and learned how to ‘chuck-it’. Felt like a community straight out of a Varda film. Extremely likable. Regina has a google doc of quotes from college. All of mine were so embarrassing. I was so afraid of people. Afraid to be kind.
May 19th, 2012
The cover of the first edition is designed around an absence. More media should be like that. Jake said, “you must be a lonely guy”. Haha. Talking to Noah about how distrustful I am of entertainment. There’s so much crap out there. And it’s too easy to just.. let it happen.
May 16th, 2012
‘Make Way For Tomorrow’ is supposed to be this unsung tearjerker. And it is. Too soon? Forcing myself to cry at the end. Didn’t know what to say then.. and writing about it now feels like an injustice. Have to watch it again.
May 13th, 2012
Davis, CA. Sushi dinner for Mother’s Day. Anecdotes about Mr Rogers and Argel’s trip to India as inspiration to seriously think about and seriously laugh about life. Giving one’s full attention to another and to the moment.
May 23rd, 2012
UCSC. We said ‘Narnia’. How could you care about anything while living here? So many students talking about love. Thinking.. this is what college is “learning to be with people”. She wrote POOP in giant letters on the beach. An extended catleg. Her husband. Sand on the side of her nose and in her mouth. Good day.
May 12th, 2012
Grandpa passed away in the morning. I called 10 minutes too late. Drove up to Tehama in the evening. Just couldn’t face seeing everyone. Brian told me how he didn’t cry when it happened and I said the same thing. We both wept and I told him he was “one of my favorite dudes in the world”. It sounds silly now but it felt like the most honest and direct thing I’ve said to anyone in years.
May 11th, 2012
Wrote in my real journal “nothing’s permanent”. Don’t know what I was referring to. Driving home at 6am. The sky looked like that part in “Days of Being Wild” when Leslie Cheung returns to the Philippines. The streetlights were still on. Felt drunk from lack of sleep. When I kissed her I got the impression that she didn’t like it or didn’t feel anything. Maybe she didn’t know what to feel? Maybe I meant “be present”. Because I like spending time with her. Talking. Doing whatever.
May 8th, 2012
The sun’s about to rise. Driving to the train station like always but I don’t stop. Keep going into the hills, past private roads. The asphalt narrows to the exact width of the tires. The houses are huge and hidden. Wealth. That fucking dude with his adjustable tanktop stares at me as I pass. I like his dorky dog. My window’s down and I want to yell at him, “YOU RICH DICK. YOU RUIN EVERYTHING”. I think he was literally trying to protect his BMW.
May 7th, 2012
Working. Doing nothing. Like I’m doing it wrong. I’m lucky enough to have a choice. If life is connection, growth, risk, then death is solitude. That’s what that crazy hospice book said.
May 6th, 2012
Driving around trying to find a place to draw. Total wasteland. I park and walk around a few times before resuming. I know there’s a ton of smart and interesting people doing real things but all I see is.. excess. Picked up a copy of “Kiplinger 25: The Best No-Load Mutual Funds to Meet Your Goals”. Feel like I need to understand money. Not necessarily to make it but to know how it happens.
Saw Avengers. It sucked.
May 5th, 2012
We laughed at Salt Tom. He catches fish and lets them go. After the first one he yells across the swamp, “Great Bass!”. But it sounds like “great ass”.
She told me about a lost summer and a man called “Mississippi”. He just showed up one day. Getting high in California parks and making a lot of friends. A little Vietnamese girlfriend eventually. I asked if he was homeless. She didn’t know. But every time they came he was there.
An egret kicked her Coconut Snow off the path. The bird emerged from the water first as a boy. Then two boys. She left the Snow lying right in the middle of the road.. so I couldn’t blame them. Circling once before flying away forever. Later we saw a vulture. I liked how she just walked right up to the bird, not caring when it flew away.
